On September 20th of this year, I married my best friend in a beautiful wedding ceremony in Baltimore, surrounded by our closest loved ones. I was just shy of turning 24. Mike was 26. And although we have only been married for three months, in March we will celebrate our eight year “anniversary.”
I mention this because this time of year seems to bring about two things:
- Several engagement announcements (I myself got engaged Christmas day two years ago)
- Several condemning blog posts about said engagements (no seriously… they’re everywhere)
While I was planning my wedding, I noticed a trend that began festering. From Huffington Post to blogs like this and ridiculous posts like this one about the “23 things you just HAVE to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23,” people are becoming more vocalized and more vitriolic about their distaste for their fellow peers who are tying the knot in their early 20s.
These posts all share the same sentiment:
- People who marry young are missing out on opportunities in life
- People who marry young will end up divorced
These bloggers write that once you’re married, you can kiss your youth and any semblance of ‘fun’ goodbye. That walks down the aisle are now synonymous with funeral marches for your social life. That your 20s are meant for crazy, drunken nights full of bad mistakes, not picking out wedding dresses and filing joint tax returns. That anyone who gets married before the age of 25 is practically begging for a life of unhappiness.
But to lump all ‘young’ marriages into the same doomsday category is just as ignorant as calling all “millennials” lazy and uneducated.
I’m not here to advocate that people should marry young. I’m not even advocating that people need to get married at all, because it’s not for everyone. I’m a firm believer that marriage is meant to be forever – through the good, the bad, and the I-hate-your-guts-right-now downright ugly. People should only get married when they are absolutely ready – whether that means 23 or 43 – because no two couples are the same and not all marriages are created equal.
I have seen people get married and divorced all before they celebrated their 21st birthday. I’ve seen people who have been together for a few years get married in their 40s only to get divorced a few months later. I’ve known people who married in their 20s and have been together for more than 60 years.
It seems everyone these days has their own idea of what they determine to be an acceptable age for people to make the commitment of marriage, and to those people I ask – who made you the expert in other people’s relationships? When we turn 25, is there a magical “I’m ready for marriage now” switch that suddenly goes off?
Because I’m calling bullshit.
For those who might want to throw some overly-used statistics at me right about now, here, let me do it for you.
- According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce.
- Also according to the National Center for Health Statistics, 50 percent of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage.
Seems like we’re damned at any age…. According to statistics.
But like many things in life that don’t fall into black or white, definitively defined categories, marriage is a gray matter with far too many variables to consider when trying to determine why some marriages succeed and why some marriages fail. Variables that include respect, honesty, trust, love, patience, kindness, understanding and compromise. Things that take a lifetime to learn and understand and can’t be measured on a scale. Things that my parents, who have been married for nearly 30 years have been learning since they got married in their early 20s.
With all of these stories and statistics, I believe that the demise of a marriage is more a testament to the lack of maturity in the relationship, and the lack of maturity of the individuals, more-so than a person‘s age.
A successful marriage, at ANY age, is one where both partners have a strong understanding of the other’s needs and desires and work together to help achieve them. One of the most overused arguments in these anti-marriage blogs is that in your twenties you’re still discovering yourself and that you can’t discover yourself when you’re tied down to someone else. That you need to be single in order to make mistakes, figure out what you like and don’t like, travel the world and be selfish.
But I’m here to tell you I’ve done all of those things. And I’ve done them with the unfaltering love and support of my best friend and now husband. I began dating Mike when I was only 16. And in these last eight years I have traveled to Europe, graduated high school, gone to college, made new friends, lost old friends, partied until the sun came up, lost myself, found myself, spent a summer in Paris, drank too much, laughed too hard, made mistakes, had regrets, challenged myself, pursued my dreams, changed my dreams, graduated college, landed a dream job, picked up my life and moved three states away, changed jobs, made more friends, and changed myself again.
And I’ve done it all with Mike by my side. Encouraging me the entire way. We grew up together. And in those eight years, we’ve both changed quite a bit, and I will venture to say, it’s been for the better. Mike and I motivate and challenge each other to be better than we were yesterday. We support each other when one is weak or failing. We push each other out of our comfort zones and dare each other to try new things. But we always allow the other the space they need to grow. Together we have faced triumphs and successes, hardships and loss. That kind of support and companionship is something I wouldn’t trade for the world, and I am incredibly lucky to have found it so early in life.
So while my counterparts may be out clubbing until 4 in the morning or backpacking across Europe to ‘find themselves’, I am content with spending a night in with my husband and our two cats. Or trying the newest hit restaurant in town. Or planning trips to Barcelona and Rome for the fall. Or hosting a dinner party with a group of close friends. Or god forbid – spending time alone or with friends to focus on ourselves (because contrary to popular belief – married folks are able to do this too.)
It may not be your idea of what someone in her 20s should be doing – but for me, it works just fine.
And at the end of the day, isn’t that what matters? People making their own decisions to find their own version of happiness, whether that means being single, marrying the love of your life or everything else in between. Your life and the decisions you make are yours and yours alone, and deserve to be free from scrutiny and judgment. But let’s be real… that will never happen, so ignore the naysayers and the doomsday statistics.
Cheers to you and your happiness – whatever, whenever and whoever it may be.
when the girl meets world 
I am 27 and still as single as when I was born. It’s not due to the blogs or lists of things to do before being married….I’ve just not met the person who I can see myself waking up next to every morning and loving more in that moment than I did when I fell asleep.
I agree with you completely; if you find the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with and you’re BOTH ready for that level of commitment, then go for it, whether you’re 17, 57, or any age between or beyond. Also, if you meet that person and marriage isn’t for you, fantastic, just love and respect each other. Congratulations on your marriage and I hope to find that person who means as much to me as you and your husband mean to each other.
Hi Savvy — thank you SO much for writing it! I have to admit, when those who are single actually agree with me for a change on here it’s a sigh of relief. 🙂 I wholeheartedly agree with you — that it’s not about the age, it’s about finding the right person and knowing what’s right for the two of you. Thank you again for your kind words. Happy new year and all the best to you!
I LOVE this post. I’m 19 and at an Ivy League school, and I started dating my boyfriend (who is 7 years older than me) the week before my freshman year began.
It’s been the best thing to have ever graced my life, and he’s been my best friend and my rock from the start – there are moments I would not have been able to get through without his support, as someone who knows me in and out.
I’m involved in some of the coolest (in my unbiased opinion – HA!) groups on campus, a kick butt a cappella group, and started my own lifestyle blog called Coming Up Roses (http://ericaligenza.wordpress.com). I spent last summer in Spain studying abroad, and I’m always on the hunt for great restaurants to hit up with girlfriends for a relaxing Thursday night.
While I’m not engaged or married, I don’t feel like my relationship has hindered my life thus far in ANY way – it’s only been a blessing.
Cheers to everyone who follows their dreams and wants to have it all; while we may not be able to have it all at one time, I think we can definitely have it all at some point or another along the way!
Thanks for the awesome read.
Erica
http://ericaligenza.wordpress.com
LATEST POST: http://ericaligenza.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/new-years-un-resolutions-ringing-in-the-2-0-1-4/
Hi Erica — it’s so great to hear from other people who have been fortunate enough to find their best friends so early in life and understand all of the wonderful things that come with it. And KUDOS to you for going out and going your own thing! You are so right – just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean that you can no longer do things for yourself. I studied abroad in Paris for a summer and it was incredible. I also have a great group of girlfriends (all in different stages, some single, some with boyfriends, etc.) and we all make time to do things with each other on a regular basis, whether that’s going out for a few drinks or getting our nails done. Marriage is not the end-all-be-all end of life sentence some people think it is! 🙂 I will definitely have to check out your blog — thanks for sharing it, and again thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for this post. I am 22 and in a relationship and if I were to get engaged and married in the near future- I am certain that I would be able to grow and develop just as well as any of my single friends, maybe even more so. My boyfriend is my best friend and brings out the absolute best person in me. He pushes me to conquer my fears and to go for my dreams. I come from a divorced family with parents that married at 18 and 19, they were married for 15 years and just realized they weren’t meant for each other after all. I still have faith. My grandparents married at 16 and have been together for 60 years, happier than ever. I get extremely bothered by people who put others down for marrying too young, too old, or not at all. I believe when you know, you know. Don’t let anyones comments bring you down. As a person younger than 23- I was disgusted by the “23 things you just HAVE to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23″. Many of the things on that list can be done as a married woman- and quite frankly, a few of the things I have no interest in. Age is just a number. If you would like to be married at 23, great. If you would like to party and date multiple people at 23, great. I personally would like to travel and see the world with my boyfriend, I don’t need to be single to do that. Thanks again, you go girl!
Hi Ashley — thank you so much for reading and writing in! I love hearing about other people’s stories and relationships… and all of those wonderful things you mention having with your boyfriend are a great foundation for a solid relationship! And I love the two other relationship examples you bring up — that a marriage’s success or failure has SO MUCH MORE to do with other outside variables than age, as demonstrated by your lovely grandparents! Thank you for your support and happy new year to you and your boyfriend!
Not gonna lie, I am SO SICK of these whiney little girls talking about how their young love is so right. Good for them but the reality is that MOST young 20s adults should not be married or have kids. They aren’t responsible enough, they have no idea who they will be in 5 years and they aren’t financially stable enough to be married or have families, they do it because they have nothing else to do 80% of the time and then write dumb blogs to justify it. Sometimes things happen that you cant controll and they can turn out to be amazing… been there, done that…..,but to be 18 and strive to be married by 23 i just pathetic and dumb.
Hi Jamie — thanks for your comments. I don’t agree with you that people who get married young do it because they have nothing better to do or so they can blog. In fact, I think that’s a pretty immature and ignorant comment to make. Surprisingly enough, I will agree with you on one thing, despite your harsh way of putting it. That nobody should STRIVE to get married by a certain age. Which is exactly the point I make repeatedly — that people should do what is right for them, marriage, single, or wherever else they fall on that spectrum. Happy New Year and thanks for reading.
This is beyond ridiculous. I got married at 18 because I wanted to, not because I was bored. I had my daughter a year later, and yes, she was planned. We were, and still are, more than financially stable. We have never gotten a dime from the government. We have private health insurance, and we are buying a house. And guess what? I’m 21 and my husband is 23. So please tell me again, what am I doing wrong?
Well said. Thank you, from a 25 year old single gal.
Thank you Stacie! It’s always refreshing to hear that from someone “on the other side of the fence,” as I fear I may have unintentionally offended some single people with this post. Thanks for reading and happy new year!
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Niki I am not single. In fact, I have been in a relationship for 9 years happily. I am where I am and wouldnt change a thing, however I will not defend todays generation thinking they should get married before they can legally drink alcohol or run for president (just examples, no need for another tangent). I hope to raise children who value their selves enough to strive to have an education and know they CAN live alone and be happy before rushing into marriage and the family life. It isnt “cool” to get married and have kids. You should ONLY do so once you are 100% fiancially and emotionally ready.
Hi Jamie — glad to hear you’re in a committed and happy relationship, that’s great and I’m glad that what you have works well for you. I’m on board with you when you say that getting married and having kids shouldn’t be something you rush into because people simply think “it’s cool.” Relationships and marriages are a lot of hard work. And there are times they can be straight up ugly. My parents instilled in me many of the same values you strive to instill in your own one day… to place value on myself and my priorities. They also taught me much of what I write about in the post as well. My parents married young and have been together for almost 30 years and have slung through mud and trenches to get there. But they knew marrying when they did was the right decision for them and respected my decision when I knew it was the right one for me. Thanks again for writing back!
I just don’t understand the “why” of young marriage. Most young adults I’ll wager are still on their parents’ health insurance, aren’t financially independent, and don’t pay taxes, so I just don’t understand why anyone would want to be legally bound to another person at an age when there aren’t many benefits. It’s like people are using marriage as a statement of pure and undying love, but….Why should a person need marriage to feel like they’re committed…
It makes sense if a couple has children at a young age (either accidentally or on purpose), or if they’re truly independent, but otherwise I don’t get it.
I mean, I know 3 young twenties marriages where one of the parties…is still living in their parents’ home.
In my opinion, love does not require marriage. It should be the other way around.
Hi Dave — you bring up a very good point in your comment that I have not addressed, but that I agree with. I do think that in order to be ready for the responsibility of marriage, you need to be able to support yourself financially. I think if you’re ready to step into something as mature and committed as marriage, you should be paying your own taxes, have your own insurance, be able to pay your own rent, etc. For me personally, I was doing all of those things before I got married to my husband — as was he. Marriage is much more than being about undying love as you say — it’s being prepared to share the rest of your life with someone and being prepared to face all the rocky roads that come with it. Many at my age aren’t ready or interested in that yet, but some are. And I think those who are mature enough and to make that commitment should be able to. But, you know that already because of my post! Anyways, thanks for stopping by and writing in. Appreciate and respect the points you raise. Happy new year!
My husband and I married at the age of 24, and neither of us were on our parents’ health insurance. We were both college educated; he had a job, I was in law school. Even more importantly, we knew each other well and felt that marriage was right for us (we were friends for 2 years before we started dating). We waited 6 years before having children, and had plenty of fun in the meantime!
As far as the “not many benefits” part, I respectfully disagree. Besides the fact that we are people of faith who view marriage as a vital part of any true commitment, from a secular view there are various legal/tax benefits to being married. Our marriage is about building a life together, and marriage helps to protect all that we work for.
At the end of the day, whether marriage is right for a couple has much less to do with age than the maturity level, personal circumstances, and commitment level of the couple in question.
Great article! I got married a few months after my 20th birthday. My now-husband and I had dated all of 3 months before we were engaged, and engaged for 6 weeks before we were married. 6 years and 2 1/2 kids later, we are still as happy as ever – maybe even happier! I look to the future and see us being together forever, though thick and thin. I’d say one of the biggest factors to our success is our ability to forgive each other for minor (and major) faults and weaknesses. We continue to support and encourage each other.
Hi Kim —
Congrats on your happy, growing family! You are so right about forgiveness being a crucial aspect to a successful marriage. I don’t think you can make it out alive with out! 🙂 Thanks for reading and sharing your story. Happy new year to you and your family!
I am an older adult and have been married for almost 30 years. I married young, as did my husband. I have always believed that marriage is a commitment that should be forever. It is not about an “age”, it is more about maturity and responsibilty. The statistics don’t matter. Too many now days
get married without really thinking about the repurcussions of their actions. They do not know what true love it, nor do they have the maturity to understand the responsibilty of this actions. Many do not even understand the meaning of “commitment”.
Marriage of two people is not easy. These are two different people: 2 different sets of ideas and personalities, as well as backgrounds. There are going to disaggreements and arguements. People must be mature enough to handle those differences and work through them. Compromise is a big part of a marriage partnership. If they are too selfish to work through things, they then decide to “just quit”. That is a childish attitude.
People should only get married when they are able to make responsible judgements and commitments and to keep their vows. No matter what age!
Thank you for this post!! I started dating at 17, engaged at 18, and married at 19 (he was 23). Im now 39 with a doctorate degree, my dream career and 2 amazing kids. I wouldnt change anything about my life- especially my 20 years of marriage!
Amen! I met my bride in 8th grade in 2005! She was 14 and I was 15! We are going on our 2nd yr of marriage!
It is VERY annoying when people make remarks about you getting married at an “early” age. I was 21, almost 22, when I got married and I would get comments from college classmates of how they were glad it wasn’t them. Last week my husband and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary (been together 11.5 years). It doesn’t matter what age you are if you’re ready to get married. I don’t feel that I have missed out on life. Everyone is different, and being young won’t doom a marriage. My grandparents were both 21 when they got married and they have happily married for 55 years. We all make our own choices in life, and if we make the choice to get married in our twenties then I don’t see why others can’t be supportive of it even if it isn’t the choice they would make themselves.
THANK YOU!!!! Write one on children as well. If i hear one more person tell me to wait until I am in my 30’s to have kids I will scream. It is my life, not yours.
I don’t normally post a comment on blogs I read but I really enjoyed reading! The pissed off part is what drew me in! 🙂
I’m 25 and have been married for coming up on 3 years.
Although I agree with you I just want to add that I believe the demise of marriage is the lack of The Lord within the marriage. Marriage is something God created to honor Him! There is a serious lack of young people our age in church. When people start putting God back at the center of their marriage, there will be a marriage that although will not be free of trouble and hardships, will be rewarding, lasting and good in the Lords sight. He will bless it…a million times over. I have already experienced this in the 3 short years I’ve been married!
May The Lord bless you and your husband!
As a 20 year old dating a 23 year old and wanting to get married, I can agree with the fact that a lot of marriages entered into at such a young age fail. Sometimes it’s because the people grow apart, and hey, that stuff just happens sometimes, with ANY kind of relationship. Other times it’s because they rushed into their marriage without really thinking things through. And other times, and from my experience the most common cause of divorce in young couples, because they found out that their partner just isn’t perfect. Young people nowadays strive for a perfect relationship with a perfect person that they can have perfect kids with. And this is utter nonsense. They view relationships just like they view everything else: as disposable. They seem to think that they can just throw it away and find a new one that IS perfect.
I live with my boyfriend already, so we have begun to experience how frustrating and stressful financial issues can be. We respect each other enough to know that the other just can’t be perfect, because that’s just impossible! But we take each others’ flaws with the good things and compromise. I believe that this is what helped the older generations to have long lasting marriages. They knew how to work together, compromise, and fix what can be fixed instead of just giving up after the first big fight.
i totally agree with you. i have been with my boyfriend for almost seven years, i work full time and take full time college classes and we still live in the house with his parents, but we pay over half the bills, and hope to move out very soon, but dont have any plans to marry until we are more stable.
Wonderful article …well said … I am beginning my 3rd marriage next saturday. I got married the 1st time at 18 to my high school sweetheart (we should have just been best friends because we are still close friends but back then boys and girls were not best friends like now) my parents married on my momma’s 16th birthday and were together 27 years until she went on to heaven. 20 years later daddy still grieved her death. I found in my 40’s what i believe to be the secret to those long lasting loving marriages…God. a cord of 3 strands is harder to break than a cord of 2 strands …try it..you’ll see.
I’d like to get in on the commentary as I enjoyed the article and overall I think that many of the important statements have been said (or commented). In general it seems like those who “don’t understand” young marriage perhaps haven’t seen an example of its success or seen several examples of its failure, or more than that are trying to justify why it hasn’t happened for them by 30 or some other meaningless number. Relationships don’t have a “best before” date and those that have “expired” were clearly those who were in truth “perishable” from the start. It seems to be that some people want to establish a timeline for when certain milestones in their life should happen and to that I should quote my best friend’s favorite line: when you want to make god laugh, make a plan. I arrived at college with the mindset of exploration both academically and in friendships & relationships… to my surprise, I met my husband during the first week of classes and have wanted to be with no one else ever since! You never know when you will find the right person… what a shame it would have been if I had cast him off simply because I was “too young.” If marrying your best friend after being with him for 7 years is a mistake, then I’d make it again and again!
Married at 22. Celebrating 23 years this Sunday 1/5/14.
Congrats and I hear ya! It’s what you put into it not what you get out of it. Give everything. Become one with your spouse. Enjoy life with all the pits thrown in! God bless your marriage for many many years to come.
You rock. I married the absolute love of my life at 23. We both just recently turned 24. I agree with you that I’ve done more the “finding” of myself, that these people think should be done alone, with my wife than I EVER did when I was single. Sure, we piss each other off sometimes but we are both getting to places we’ve always wanted to be – and there is no way we could have done it without each other.
I totally agree with your blog, I personally think that the cause of downfall with most young marriages is the introduction of children to the equation. I think that people are forced into bad marriages by having kids with someone who they think is perfect until it comes to how to raise the children. People change when they are forced with the ” I’m not gonna raise my children like my parents did me”. And the test of a good marriage is overcoming and cooperation between a couple.
I’m 22 years old and will be turning 23 next month, and my fiancé will be turning 24 next month as well. We will be getting married this June. My fiancé and I have been together now for almost 5 years. We live on our own and both graduated college this last summer, but to say that just because we are in our early 20’s our future is doomed is bit stereotypical. We have been through some pretty tough times and we have had some of the best times with each other. To say I’ll be missing out in life because I’ll be to busy starting a life with him is outrageous. Because of my fiancé I have tried snowboarding (something I would have never tried without him), I have done so much traveling, and truly learned so much more about myself. He have been there to push each other when we needed it, held each other when we needed it and most of all just being an honest friend to one another. I find these other blogs a little close minded because some of my best friends are single and have no intentions on getting married any time soon and some friends who are already happily married and one who is getting married in March and although relationship wise we are totally different we all love and sports each others life choices. Sorry for the little rant but I just feel like the other blog is almost belittling those of us who have found our husbands and wives at an early age.
Rock on Niki! My wife and I got married quickly and are in year 3 of marriage. I’m 26 and she’s 24 now, so we were definitely young folks. I’ll tell you what, a few select times have been crappy, but your quote is exactly right: by us not being able to work through our problems at the moment, it just shows where each of our level of maturity is in the situation. At the end of the day, Jess adds so much to my life and encourages me in areas that I’m not sure I could have persevered through as a single guy. I know I jump into “dangerous territory” by saying this, but you don’t have to find yourself in your twenties because you can find and redefine within your marriage. When you are for each other, you want each other to grow and find themselves. My wife and I are backpacking the world together…as husband and wife. There’s no need for us to do that single. It’s more fun that way…but unfortunately costs double. 😉
I think that we might be the same person!
I started dating my husband when I was 16, too. And we got married when I was 22. 5 years on, we are the happiest married couple that I know, we both have our own hobbies and support each other, have our own friends, we go out partying until the sun comes up together and have a damn good time doing it, but we also stay in and watch Netflix in our pajamas all night. I have had so many negative comments about my choice to get married young, and I just ignore it. I have something more than they could ever imagine.
My husband and I married at 20. He’s also in the military (I think those statistics idiots like to jack up the divorce rate for that profession) We dated for 4 years before we married and this year will be our 7th wedding anniversary. It’s about faith, love, and commitment. Learning to compromise, and be selfless. To always be transparent with each other. To love unconditionally and forgive quickly! Have faith in the Lord always and he will continue to strengthen and renew your relationship with him and with your spouse.
My fiancé (Jordan) asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve 2013, and I couldn’t be happier. But I keep getting comments about how young I am and how young he is (we are both 19).
Our wedding 2 years off (I want to graduate college) so that we are ready in all the ways that seem to matter to the world. No one really cares about how ready our SOULS are, it seems.
We’ve been dating for over two years, and we went into the relationship to build something lasting, not just something to do because we were bored – as busy as he and I are, I found that suggestion a complete JOKE.
Jordan had asked for my father’s blessing 2 months before he proposed. A few days after Jordan popped the question, some family members were asking (jokingly, as if they were going to get me in trouble) my dad how he felt about my engagement. and Dad said he was just fine with it – “Because she knows who she is, and she understands who she is, and she’s not afraid of who she is.” He knew I was ready and mature enough to handle being married, and his comment got my family members to shut up about my age 😀
On a final, note – this article isn’t just about young people getting married – look at it on the other side, and you’ll find the reverse is true: people are rushing into marriages because they finally turned 30 and their parents are bugging them about grandchildren. Nothing more romantic than being forced into a relationship that you don’t want simply because of society expects it of you! The crime is almost as great as being cheated out of a young marriage that you really do want simply because people are telling you that you aren’t ready.
Awesome read! I was 19 when my husband (19 at the time too) and I married. We are now 22 and it has only been 3 years of marriage but I too believe in that marriage is not for everyone but I will be in it until the end! I love your quote “I’m a firm believer that marriage is meant to be forever – through the good, the bad, and the I-hate-your-guts-right-now downright ugly.” So true!
I really enjoyed reading this. I was married at 19 and my husband was 21. We are still happily married 6 years later with 3 beautiful daughters. We were told we would never make it and we have proven everybody wrong. We sadly did need help from government funded programs because I had to stop working during my second pregnancy and was unable to return to work because our 2nd daughter has many health problems. We strived for a very long time to pay for her medical bills on our own but were unable to afford it. Our marriage has had challenges thrown our way but we made it through together. I definitely believe some young people are just not ready for marriage but we were.
I’m a man reading this. No matter what age you decide to get married in early 20’s isn’t anyone’s concern. If you truly love another person, you love them. I’m disgusted why so many people are so negative about young couples. I’m 22, and my girlfriend is 19. We’re talking about getting married in the next 2 years. I love her to death. These negative opinions from other people saying young relationships go to die are idiots. Being married means you devoted your life to the one true person you love and you work through things TOGETHER.
Good read.
Thanks for the post! Although I am 23 years old and single, I’m not rushing to get married or have kids. If you’re lucky enough to find your other half, I will respect and am happy for you. If you haven’t, it’s still fine. It’s no biggie. Until I have found my other half, I’ll be achieving goals and finishing my degree.
Nothing but love and may god bless you and your hubby 🙂
I am 19 and will be turning 20 in march. My boyfriend and I met when we where 5 and 10 years old. We started dating in 2012. In 2013 we got engaged. He is my best friend. He is also 25, so he has experienced things that I haven’t yet. so yes I maybe to young to start my life with someone or to get married .but to me age is just a number, not something that you need live your life by.
God bless
I’ve been with my boyfriend going soon four years now, he doesn’t believe in marriage. I do and one day want to start a family, I keep telling myself I’ll change his mind. That one day he will see that it means more than the world to me to takes his last name. What are your thoughts?
I don’t comment often, but this whole post sounds a lot like you’re trying to defend the fact that you married young. If there’s nothing wrong with it, show people that you can be a success. I’d like to see a followup to this in a couple years.
Best wishes.
I would like to thank you for this article. I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15 and had our daughter when I was 16. He has now decided to join the Marines and we will be apart for 2 and a half years, while I pursue my nursing degree. We have been there for each other since day one. he was there for me when people were talking crap because I was pregnant in high school and he was there for me on my graduation day. We plan on getting married after he gets done with recruit training and I will still be 19 when that happens. we not only have the stats of being a young and getting married saying we will get divorced. we also have stats of being teenage parents and a military couple saying we will get divorced. This article shows me that no matter what people or statistics say to trust in your love and learn to grow with each other. Thank you again for this awesome article.
I so appreciate that you address both sides of the issue, Niki! I’m 22 and engaged and have been rather annoyed lately by the excessive debates on the “right age” to marry. It’s like buying a car and then seeing that particular model everywhere – now it seems everywhere I go, I run into people who simply cannot stop spouting very one-sided views on marriage! It’s like a “my way or the highway” thing so much of the time.
Alright. Time to stop with the car metaphors now. 🙂 Thanks for the post!
Seriously thank you so much for writing this. When i read her 23 things post i was pissed off.i mean how is getting married NOT living your life? I got married when i was 20 and my parents were all for it. No one ever told me not to. Because when you know you know. And its nobodys business. The only people who have ever given me crap were bitter divorced women in their 40s.
hi my name is tiffany and I have to say that I agree 100% with you I married the love of my life,best friend when I was 15 and had her first son at age 16 I am now 27 with 3 boys and still very happily married to the same man we loved each other then and fall more in love every day we have been threw hell in back but have made it out on top with the strength of family friends and each other we got married because wee wanted to not because we were bored wee both got high school diplomas and he is in college and works full time as for me I have a college degree I am a RN and full time wife and mother and would not change it any other way so if you find that one person who makes you feel as if there is no time to frown then hold on to it cause you never know what life holds for you tomorrow
thank you thank you thank you. when i read her ’23 things to do before you get engaged’ post i was so mad. i got married when i was 20 and he was 26. i’m 23 now and still married. and it’s not stopping me from doing anything. and now i have a guaranteed travel partner. i don’t understand how getting married is considered not living your life. i married my best friend and it’s nobody’s business to tell me young marriages don’t last and that it was a mistake. it seems to me that the only people that ever say anything negative are young single girls who want what every other girl who’s married has, or bitter divorced women in their forties. my entire family supported my marriage, and no one ever tried to talk me out of it. because love is love and when you know you know.
Great post!
Im 26 and my husband is 23. We are just starting into our 5th year together. We started dating when I was 22 & he was 19. We went to college together. We got married after being together for 1 year & 7 months. It was one of the best choices I have ever made. Shortly after getting married we got pregnant with our son Elijah. He will soon be two. I am currently pregnant with our daughter Sariah due in May. Becoming a wife and mother have truly made my life a million times better. My husband and I have always said divorce isn’t in our vocabulary. We rarely argue and always try and compromise with each other. I would choose to be wife and mom over being single and partying my life away anyday.
My parents were engaged 6 weeks after they started dating, Mom was 20. Married for 47 years which only ended with Dad’s passing, she joined him 2 years later at age 68. Values, commitment, honesty, determination. I wish you the best, forever.
I receive a lot of crap for getting married at the age of 20 but all of it is from people that didn’t know me that well. I understand 20 is very young but before my 21st birthday I had graduated with my bachelors degree, visited 7ddifferent countries (sometimes staying for a month or so on my own) , got a job I love and got married to an amazing man! Many of my friend believe that because I got married young I think its for everyone. I definitely don’t. I give my advice on a case by case basis some friends I fully believe are ready and have stable relationships that should be encouraged to grow. Other of friend I encourage to wait because I can see that they are not mature and responsible enough to handle it. My best advice is to not make sweeping generalised remarks but to remember that marriage is about those two people so no matter what the statistics say about everyone else it’s all about if two individuals can make it as one or not.
I love this! I was married right after I turned 21 and almost ten years later (married 9, together 10) we are still going strong. I found my life partner and I am very grateful I got to spend my 20’s with him. During my 20’s, I produced three blessings, received my MS degree, traveled and moved across the US and upon our 30th b-days (we are two weeks apart), we went to Hawaii. We have been to various places in Mexico, Hawaii, Alaska, NC, LA, AL, FL, GA, SC, NC and AR together. We have built a house together, overcame a lot, supported each other at our lowest points, built each other up and we have proven the nay sayers wrong. I couldn’t imagine not being married at 21 and I wouldn’t change a thing. I honestly feel sorry for the people who never get to experience life like I have. When you find your soul mate, best friend, life supporter, etc., and you get to spend time with them, nothing that could have happened before they came into your life can even compare with what you get to experience with them.
Married in 1999 @ 24 She was 24 dated for a year and 1/2 lived together for a year. She had a daughter with no dad (she had at 19 with a married guy old enough to be her dad) First red flag! Adopted her daughter had two other children with her. A month after our 7th wedding anniversary she explained to me that she did not feel the same twords me as when we first got married. Then she asked me to leave. After adopting her daughter, paying her way through school, getting her out of debt she just wanted to break it off like we were breaking up before the prom. That was is 2006, now she is living in Alaska with our children and is in a relationship with a 57 year old man who is divorced and living well …..not in Alaska. On a positive note, I have a great job now, (could not before because I was moving with her work during our marriage, that I was also totally on-board to do) And her well man friend pays to have my children come to visit me a few times a year. It is hard because I really was a active parent before the divorce ( due to my X wife being in the military, I was also but could not have two active people in the military and raise a family) So yeah maybe not the fact that we married before 30 but the fact that when one person has “daddy” issues and presented me with many read flags along the way is most likely why I am divorced. But love is blind whether you are 16 26 or 66…My advise is to open up your eyes, ask family members who might be to afraid to tell you things that you are blind to and get a second opinion. You would do it when getting a operation, so why would you not do it for something that might rip your heart out later on in life. As far as me getting married in the future…..uhhhhhhh yeah Not really something I am looking forward to getting down on the old bucket list..
Oh and by the way when she told me to leave back in 2006 that month after our 7th wedding anniversary….she was banging her boss who was married, in the military also and 15 years older then her…so…as I have said guys and gals many times to myself after the fact. A zebra never changes their stripes, just make sure your not looking at a black horse standing behind a white picket fence before you bur or take the ring!
Good for you. Just by what I read you 2 are off to a great start to a long and happy life. I married at 25 because I had not found the right woman until then and I knew when I met my wife she was the one. Now there have been rocky times there will be for you as well, but if you truly love each other the tough times will only make you stronger as a couple. God bless you both and good luck with your future together.
I met my hubby when I was 15 and he had just turned 17.we got married when I was 17 and he was 19(we arent quite 2 years apart in age). we are still married almost 23 years later.we have raised 2 kids together.our son will be 21 in feb and doing well and our daughter turned 18 in sept.she is still in school and will be graduating in may.
My own mother told me it wouldnt last and she was wrong.she married young and got divorced and then married my dad years later(they were married over 30+ years). I have 2 sisters who waited until they were in their mid 20s to marry and both are divorced(one for the 3rd time).so it all depends on the people,their maturity level.and if they want to make a commitment and spend their life with one another.
There are a lot of things I have not experienced, and I dont feel like I have missed out one bit,but now I have time now that I am older I may do some things I havent done earlier in my life.Partying isnt one of them because Im not big on partying or doing stupid things I may regret.My kids are my life and If I had it to do over again I would.
My husband and I have been together for 11 years and 11 months; we’ve been married for 11 years 3 months. When we got engaged (three months after we started dating), he was 26 and I was 23, and between our engagement and our marriage we each had a birthday. Since our marriage we’ve gone through a lot – including a trial separation for 10 months, moving out of state (away from all of our friends and family), and typical life changes (changing jobs, buying our first house, losing a family pet, etc.).
I share this because my hubby and I are proof that you can get married in your early 20s, face some tough challenges and come out on the other side. Marriage isn’t about your age – it’s about finding the right person and making it work by supporting each other through the tough times and cherishing the good times, no matter your age.
I agree 100%! I’m 22, I’ve been with my fiancé (who’s 25, almost 26) for a year and a half and we’re expecting our first baby together next month. I completely believe that we’ve found each other for a reason. I was in a six-year relationship prior to this one with my high school sweetheart and he asked me to marry him. I said yes but then broke off the engagement because I didn’t think I was ready. Turns out, he just wasn’t the one. I’m so sick of people telling me, “you’re soooo young!” when they either see that I’m pregnant or engaged. My Gran got married at 20 and was with my Papa for 60 years (AND they only knew each other for 3 months when they got married), until he passed away. And even if he hadn’t passed away, they would still be together. My parents got married at 22 and 30 and they’re divorced and hate each other. WHATEVER! Divorce statistics are high in any age group. I’m glad you were strong and wrote this article because I, too, am pissed off and sick of people telling me that I’m wasting my life. I do have more things that I want to do in my life, most of which I would just rather do with the love of my life next to me.
Thank you so, so much for reading this article. You made my day.
Best of luck to you and your hub, congratulations! Wishing you a lifetime of health and happiness 🙂
I just wanted to say, first of all, that I really enjoyed reading this. I think you made a few really good points, and I agree with them all. I was in a serious relationship for a little over a year, and we had our troubles and whatnot and he helped me grow up, even though it meant I outgrew him in the process. By the end of our relationship, I started talking to my best friend’s best guy friend, and we grew to like each other. I was just coming out of an intense, somewhat annoying thing where I felt trapped and doomed to be in for the rest of my life (because I didn’t respect myself as much as I should have) and he was just starting to get over his failed marriage. Together, we started to respect ourselves more and during that process we fell in love. He’s six years older than me and still technically married (because his wife did the leaving, and in both of our opinions he shouldn’t have to pay for it) but I moved to another state to be with him, and start over new in a better, healthier environment in which I had the support and love of both him and my best friend, who moved states with me because, well, that’s what we do. We’ve had a few difficulties, which is completely understandable, but we always get through them. We both have the urge to ‘run’ from what we have when it starts to get too serious or intense, but we don’t. We talk it, cry it, and love it through it all – and it’s only been two months. Two months, and I have the relationship that I’ve always dreamed of. My best friends get along and love each other, and I found the love I’ve always strived to be able to feel and have returned to me. He’s continued to help me grow, as well as I have helped him. He encouraged me to find a job, to exercise more like I’ve always said I wanted to do, and to be myself. He loves every part of me, and I know he means it. I can see it in his eyes when he says it. I won’t say that I would marry him in a heartbeat, no matter how much I love him, but I would definitely consider it. Up until now, I didn’t think that marriage would ever be for me. But after meeting him I know that it’s definitely in my future somewhere, even if it isn’t with him. Whether it’s in a few years, or ten years, or twenty, I know that it could happen when I’m totally and completely ready. Even through I’m only twenty and I haven’t ‘done everything’ yet, I don’t have to. I’m discovering more and more who I actually am, and I like her. She’s a really, really awesome and loving and caring person who strives to help when she can, and try even when she can’t. I think, at this point, that I’m just bragging, but I really wanted to say what I said in the beginning – that I love that I found this. I hope your marriage lasts forever, and even if it doesn’t, I hope that you have fun every moment, and that you stay best friends. Because that would be beautiful. Thank you for writing this.
I love this so so so so hard. I, too, married my high school sweetheart & have been beyond pissed off at the number of anti young marriage posts popping up. Thank you so much for sharing your story & opening your heart. I also wrote the story of my husband & I down here: http://kristenhedges.com/an-ode-to-young-love/
xo