tying the knot without severing ties

Happy “Hump Day” everyone – here’s to making it halfway through the week.

The countdown continues, with 310 days until the wedding – which is strange because it still feels so far away  — yet when I was having dinner with my friends this past weekend, I nearly choked on my water when I realized how close it was. We’re basically at the 10-month mark now although I keep catching myself say “Oh, the wedding is still a year away…”

Mike & I at my high school senior prom. I guess we were practicing for the real thing.

The dreaded Save the Dates are still unfortunately a work in progress. As I mentioned in my previous post, we ordered 50 prints from Snapfish and I didn’t realize they’d come printed out with the Snapfish photo stamp on the back. Plus they’re pretty flimsy. So we’ve decided to frame them with some charcoal grey cardstock… although the problem then lies in finding 5×7 grey cardstock that doesn’t cost and arm and a leg (if it even exists in the first place). I think I’ll fall over and laugh if these end up costing the same amount if I had just ordered them from Wedding Paper Divas. DIY-lesson-learned.

What we’re struggling with now is putting together a guest list, which goes hand-in-hand with the Save the Dates. Because we’re paying for the wedding by ourselves, it means that we unfortunately can’t have your “average-sized” wedding of 150+ people. Mike and I both come from pretty sizeable families, so of the 50 people we’re inviting to the wedding – more than half is family. And that’s with us being “cut-throat” as we’re not inviting any kids (I’m a firm believer weddings aren’t for kids anyways, unless they’re your own) or cousins. We’re even being pretty choosy about the aunts and uncles that we haven’t seen in years.

The hard part is figuring out everyone else after that. You’ve got the bridal party, which adds on about 9 – 10 people, and then you have to navigate the muddled waters of college friends, high school friends, work friends, family friends… and then on top of that, figuring out who can and can’t have a +1!

I think this is the aspect that has me most stressed about the wedding planning process. I’m the kind of person that hates saying no to anyone, or making people feel left out or excluded. In my quest to make this wedding as drama-free as possible – I know this is the one area that could get messy.

While I’m not sure this is the answer to all of my questions… I did find this Glamour article with a few tips for trimming down the guest list without hurting too many feelings. Hopefully this will come in handy when I start making my 27th draft.

  • When was the last time you spoke to them? Has it been more than a year? Chances are, they shouldn’t make the final cut.
  • How often do you see them? Don’t give this too much weight if you live a pricey plane ride away. If you’re in the same metro area, and it’s been more than a year since you’ve gotten together (with no upcoming plans to see each other), you can safely scratch them off.
  • Would you be offended if you weren’t invited to their wedding? Some of you are so thick-skinned that getting left out wouldn’t bug you one bit (kudos!). This question is useful for the more sensitive among us. You can’t nix someone from your wedding festivities and expect to be invited to theirs (unless your wedding is teeny tiny and theirs is supersized, and even then, you still may not make the cut).
  • Do they really need to be invited with a guest? Plus one’s should be reserved for those who are married, in long-term relationships or have live-in partners. Your single friends can find dates during the after party.
  • Will they be a part of your lives forever? This is why eliminating relatives is hard. They’ll always be related. Old co-workers and neighbors, on the other hand, may not keep in touch after your wedding. Of course you can’t predict the future, but if you suspect they’ll drop off the face of the earth, they can get the boot.

Any advice to a bride struggling with guest lists? I never realized how tricky it can be to tie the knot, without severing any ties in the process.

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